As we head towards coming out of lockdown I realised I was loosing a sense of time. One day followed on from another with no sense of purpose.
I was painting and framing and getting ready for the mysterious date when I could invite people back into my studio but the date was and is a mystery. There was no sense of urgency or joy.
Then I came across an art prize for artists that was just self portraits. I don’t normally do self portraits, my last one was in 2011. The brief and the entry conditions seemed well thought out, so many Open Entries for artists at the moment aren’t sensible, with organisers having to constantly postpone.
One of the most joyous things about doing this portrait is that I have a deadline, time is back, and a project that is different to my normal subjects. The added bonus is the subject is always available to me, it’s not weather dependent nor requires anyone else’s input.
Doing something different after all these months of isolation is so exhilarating. Exploring what I surround myself with in the studio is curious. I haven’t moved a single object and I haven’t added anything that isn’t there. Looking around the room there’s an empty stretcher frame from a sold painting that has been rolled up to send to the client. But I liked the look of the empty stretcher so hung it back on the wall. There are unfinished paintings, my easel, my painting shirt and a tall boy.
Today I will add in my palette and stool. Alexa should probably be in there as well. Then everything I work with and surrounded by will be in view.
Looking back at the Ruth Borchard Collection I realised that the majority of paintings were artists looking at them selves in the mirror. This may seem obvious, but initially I intended to do a painting of my face not from a mirror surrounded by my daily activities.mA mirror image is very different, their is the intensity of the gaze, and the relaxation of all other features. You don’t smile at yourself in the mirror. Many of the artists, like me furrow their brow, a couple also tilt their head to one side.
Nearly every professional photograph of me painting over the years has me tilting my head, and my left hand is curled on my hip, elbow out. I have a bit of a curve in my spine and suspect this isn’t a great posture for me.
Portraying a sense of me isn’t hard, there’s the big red hair, all the curls and the curvy body. But this is my secret self, the one other people don’t see, the one I spend most of my time with. Who is she and do I want to share that with the world. My persona self, the one everyone sees is smiley and gregarious, a big personality as my son says.
The quiet introspective person I spend my day with, is barely known to anyone but those I have lived with over the years. Which one do I paint, can I paint both of them.
Only time will tell.